“Social Connection > Social Distancing”
(Side Note: When I first met with Austin Kim back in March of 2020, my intention was to share his mental health journey. I felt his story could inspire more transparency around mental health and encourage others who may be struggling to start the conversation around mental health. Unfortunately, due to current life circumstances of COVID-19 (and the changes and adjustments that have come along with it), I put my blog on the back burner. It has now been over two months since I met with Austin at a local coffee shop in Center City, Philadelphia, and it is safe to say that the world looks like a very different place. In hopes to honor Austin’s story while also incorporating the relevance of today’s social climate, I asked Austin if he would be willing to speak again…this time over the phone!)
“ Most people believe a connection is something they earn by being “good enough”, when it is really something they develop by being willing enough”. -Brianna West
Although it may not be evident on the outside, growing up, Austin Kim struggled immensely on the inside. Who is Austin Kim you ask? Austin is a 27-year-old Korean male from Hatboro, Pennsylvania. Austin is a mental health advocate (and most importantly), one of my Orangetheory coaches! In my interview with Austin, he shared that he has not always been the outgoing, confident or open person that I have gotten to know over the last year. Looking back now, Austin admits that from an early age he felt “different” and struggled to embrace his identity. Despite having a supportive and close-knit family, he felt like he was less than due to his Asian roots and uncomfortable in his own skin. As a result, Austin developed negative self talk and negative beliefs about himself i.e. “why am I different from everyone?, “why don’t people like me?”, “what is wrong with me?”.
Austin shared that he started engaging in people pleasing tendencies to address his loneliness and try to make friends, but he would end up feeling taken advantage of (which was worse off). Austin stated that at a point his thoughts got really bad and he started having suicidal ideation; wondering if the world would be better off without him in it.Austin kept his feelings to himself for an exceptionally long time, in fear that either his parents would become extremely worried about him or possibly just not understand what he was going through. He stated, “Mental health wasn’t something I was ever comfortable talking about at home or in any areas of my life. The perception of being a burden to someone was something that always held me back”. Austin admitted that his family (siblings and parents) unknowingly served as his protective factors during this time: the people who kept him from acting on his suicidal thoughts. Austin shared that a pivotal moment in his life was the conversation he had with his brother at the time he revealed his mental health struggle. Austin described the conversation, sharing that his brother became tearful in his presence. Austin said, “he told me that he had also gone through his own mental health challenges in the past, which I never knew about”. He added, “the conversation with my brother allowed me to realize that people really cared about me, that I mattered to people and that I wasn’t alone”.
Although Austin’s mental health challenges didn’t completely disappear with age, his experiences early on taught him the importance and the benefits of being open about his mental health challenges. He learned that connection isn’t something he could earn by being “good enough”, rather it was something he developed by being willing enough. Austin shared that in allowing himself to be vulnerable with others, he has been able to change the trajectory of his life.
Austin identified that focusing on physical fitness has helped him re build his confidence, self-esteem and ultimately his identity. Coaching at Orangetheory Fitness has provided Austin with a space to foster many deep personal connections as well as a space to continue challenging himself to express and present himself authentically. Austin aims to help others fight their inner demons by challenging his students to express themselves through physical movement in the studio and help them develop mental strength. In our conversation, Austin and I discussed the lack of emphasis people put on human connection, especially BC19 (before COVID-19). Austin noted that time in quarantine has forced him to connect to people in different ways, which has felt refreshing for him. Austin stated, “Although we are all living under different circumstances right now, we still deal with similar struggles. Even if it feels like you are the minority, I promise you, you are part of the majority”.
Although the current times may feel scary and uncertain, one thing that I can guarantee is that we are all struggling in some way, shape or form during this time (whether we are ready to admit it or not). Talking with Austin, reminded me just how important it is to continue fostering social connection and prioritizing communication, even if we are “social distancing”.
“In the process of restoring a connection with others, we can realize that we actually create a connection with ourselves”. -Brianna West
