Self-Care: An Everlasting Trend
“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you”- Katie Reed
Recently, I was asked to present to a group of marketers in the mental health and drug and alcohol industry on “mindfulness” and “the importance of self-care for professionals”. When I was asked to present, I felt relieved (and excited!) that it was a topic of interest and one that I believed was simple and straightforward. After doing some research, I quickly realized how complex it actually was.
Like I said in my presentation last week, mindfulness and self-care have become buzzwords for the new generation (“trendy” concepts in a sense). These words are often thrown around, yet no one really knows what they mean. When I decided to discuss my presentation in my blog, I wasn’t quite sure of my intentions for the post but then it clicked. This post is a mix of education on what self-care really means and a space to share my own experience with mindfulness & self-care and its importance to me. I hope to inspire you all to look at your own self-care practice (and maybe make some adjustments), to ensure that it doesn’t become a trend that goes out of style.
In preparation for my presentation, I asked some of my clients and my friends (as well as my mom-can’t forget her!) what their definition of self-care was. 9 out of 10 responses had something to do with engaging in activities or spending money (i.e. going for a massage, eating healthy, getting enough rest, shopping, doing a face mask etc.) This generalization showed me that people believe self-care is the mindset of “treating” oneself. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, most of the work that I focus on with my clients is based around the idea of mindfulness and self-awareness (i.e. being aware of our thoughts and feelings and how they impact our behaviors). In order to understand the depth of self-care and practice it effectively, I believe we must look at the thoughts and feelings behind the behaviors that we engage in, that we often assume are self-care.
Self-care versus self-compassion: what’s the difference? While self-care is treating yourself compassionately or “an activity to refill and refuel oneself in healthy ways”, self-compassion is regarding yourself compassionately. This means being gentle with oneself when faced with perceived sense of inadequacy or failure and a path to positively relating to oneself with both acceptance and understanding. Basically, self-compassion is treating yourself the way you would treat a friend. Self-compassion is the “thinking” while self-care is the “doing”. I often explain this to my clients by using the terms “wants” versus “needs”. A personal example that I use to differentiate the two and help me practice self-care and compassion effectively is the example of working out. In the past, I practiced self-care through exercise (which at times I still do). I would carve out a chunk of my day and dedicate it to the gym. Not only did I believe that I was making quality time for my physical body and myself, I also felt good mentally post workout. As a result, I believed that I was practicing “good” self-care. However, over time I felt an obligation to go to the gym in order to feel good (both mentally and physically) which led to exhaustion and burnout.
After taking time for self-reflection, I recognized that I was practicing self-care without self-compassion, I was addressing my wants without honoring my needs. I learned that if I choose to practice self-care effectively, self-care might look like rest and relaxation (as opposed to working out). Sometimes, r&r is what my mind and body need and that is ok!
In sharing this post, I hope to have provided a new perspective on self-compassion and self-care. I also hopefully showed why the practice of self-care and self-compassion cannot be mutually exclusive. Some may still see self-care as a trend, but it is ultimately up to you whether or not you let it go “out of style”.
Below is a link to the self-care assessment I used in my recent presentation. This can help you gain awareness into your own self-care practice and hopefully provide insight into any adjustments that can be made!
Please do not hesitate to reach out to me with your results or questions!
