Doing Something Different

“If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.”

It sounds pretty simple, but how many of us struggle to do something different, something out of our routine, something uncomfortable on a daily basis? If this is something that you have tried to incorporate into your routine -how long do you keep it up for? If not, why? 

In my work as a therapist, I have come to the conclusion that it is an easy task for people to list things they would like to change about their lives, environment or about themselves. (That’s why people come to therapy in the first place, right?!) Consistently, I have found that the more difficult task is the action of doing something to create the change in our behaviors (and sticking to it). More simply put: doing something different. In an effort to make positive changes in our lives, building self-awareness is key. We can be the experts of ourselves if we choose to be, if we are willing to do the necessary work and make a conscious effort to collect personal data. 

**Spoiler alert**  

THIS IS NOT EASY.  In fact, it will likely feel extremely uncomfortable, which may be why most of us struggle to make the changes that we desire in our lives in the first place.

Frequently, I ask my clients whether they believe discomfort is good or bad. (I typically don’t like labels i.e. “good vs bad” or “right vs wrong”, but ride with me here.) Throughout our lives, we learn that feeling uncomfortable is “bad”.  As children, we are taught that we need to “fix” our discomfort quickly, that feeling discomfort is not “normal” or that feeling uncomfortable means that something is wrong, ultimately creating fear around feeling uncomfortable. Feeling uncomfortable is not a bad thing! Feeling uncomfortable is ok, as is any emotion we feel. Like I always say, we cannot control our thoughts or feelings, we can only control what we do with them.  What we do with our feelings, can provide us with tremendous insight. What we do with our feelings can be “good vs bad”, “helpful vs unhelpful”, “healthy vs unhealthy”, etc.

Gaining insight and awareness into our patterns of behavior (in this case, coping with discomfort) can be a helpful way to learn about ourselves and begin to identify some of our personal barriers to making such changes. It is important to remind ourselves that change doesn’t happen overnight, it is a process. Accepting and embracing discomfort (or as I always say, “getting more comfortable with uncomfortability”) is a process that can help activate change. 

After all, someone once said –

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”